theinkheartblog

letting the ink tell the tales conceived in my mind………

Month: October, 2013

This post was inspired by @Walt_Shakes….. He was also inspired by Tyler Perry’s Not To Self.
You can watch it here: : http://bit.ly/17fz4wp

It felt liberating to tell myself things, upped my esteem a lot. Writing to yourself means you understand what you are going through and you can be better. It means you appreciate yourself and that means you are not bothered if someone else does. I won’t stop writing to myself. That’s certain.

Dear Child of God,
Looking back, I wondered if you truly had a childhood. You were caught up in so many things that you forgot to live. Although you ran around your house half naked trying to do what you saw others do, you never really had fun. Your heart was never there. You were bothered about the way you lived in the fear of your parents especially your father. You often wondered if your parents were truly your parents or the kind of life you would live if you had been born to another family. You would imagine how lovely it would be if your father didn’t have to beat you every time for every little thing you do. You would fantasize about a fairy tale childhood you want and scribble it on a paper or a note.

You’ve always felt very different amongst your siblings. You felt like a burden they had pity on. You were hurt, shunned and broken. You felt like an outcast in your own home. I’ve watched go off on your own and did things because you knew no one cared or no one would notice. I’ve watched you fight for attention from friends and strangers; the attention you were not getting at home. I’ve watched you mingle with the wrong kind of friends. I’ve seen them teach you many things. Although you struggled with the truth and sin, you fell anyways. You did whatever you wanted because no one was watching. You felt it was better to hurt the selfish ones in your life with your attitude. Most times, you want to stop but you couldn’t. I’ve heard you wonder aloud if they really were bothered about the many things I was doing, maybe you were not their child.

I’ve watched you battle with a pain that was growing in your heart and numbing you. What is there to live for? You cried and looked for who to comfort you but you found none. Family and friends were nowhere to be found. Daily, you would cry as you remember the pain that never wants to go, the memory of a dark night that keeps coming back. You wonder if life was really worth it. You turned to drugs, alcohol and all forms of drug abuse because in them you found a bit of solace. You had no vigour for life anymore. Your passions, your dreams are all blown away. You blame different people for your misfortune. They were not looking, they should have noticed the changes in you, the ones that you call friends don’t care; those were your thoughts. You thought no one cared but you were wrong.

You were caught up in your mess, you did not look around you. People were hurt by your actions. Friends think you’ve pushed them away and family thought you’ve been influenced by wayward friends. They wondered what happened to that calm, quiet girl. You stopped blaming people and you started looking up to God. You found in Him the peace you’ve been searching for.

I watch you rely on God totally. You’ve stopped hating everyone that have wronged you. You’ve started loving your father and you’ve forgiven him. You forgiven and forgotten about your dark night and I’ve watched your confidence grow. Within months that you found God, you’ve become a better person who doesn’t have to strive for attention. You’ve learned to forgive easily and let things go. The anger you’ve been building all these years have dissipated and you find yourself laughing more and more everyday. You are always grateful for the little you have and you’ve learned how to give freely without holding back. No more malice or hatred in your heart. You find yourself longing to please God more. You are breaking new grounds that you thought impossible.

Child of God, it is great to witness these changes in you. You are destined for greatness and you are working towards that. You’ve let go of the past and started working towards the future that God has for you. You are so strong that I’m proud to be you. You are learning everyday and I’m glad you are better than they thought you would be. Do not give ears to those who would try to talk you down. Stay away from those that would remind of your past and not your future. Run away from anything that will tempt you to go back into your past. Remain steadfast in God and give your ear-time to him alone. Trust in God and understand that only He has the say over your life. Put it in your mind that men were created from dust and the words or thoughts of dust carries no weight. The counsel of men is foolishness, the counsel of God can never be wrong.

You are beautiful, intelligent, kind, smart, strong, virtuous and a royal diadem to God. You believe in yourself and I love you for that. You are christian with a true heart of repentance; a believer. God loves you, you know this and it is all that matters. You know who you are and know who you stand for. As I watch you live again in Christ Jesus, I smile everyday knowing that I could not have asked for a better me. Dako Alice Temitope, keep loving God and you will always be a limitless child of an unlimited God! Remember that “different” is good. A different person in Christ stands out always.

Posted by theinkheart

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I don’t know if I’m the only one that thinks Bruno Mars is not only a singer but a poet too… His words evoke so much emotions and they paint very clear pictures that can push you to tears. His songs are my muse… They inspire my stories; most of them. This particular song is one of my best and I’ve decided to share the lyrics with you all. Dedicated to everyone that has lost someone special due to one thing or another. Enjoy!

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
‘Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should’ve bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should’ve gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
‘Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should’ve have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should’ve gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
‘Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

Although it hurts
I’ll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I’m probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
‘Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man

Posted by theinkheart

Angela’s eyes were red and swollen. The happy moment with her son had turned sour. She had spent the remainder of the day cleaning her son up and tending to him till he finally slept. She was thankful it wasn’t that bad, at least she did not have to rush him to the hospital like some terrible days. Angela stared at the bowl of water turned red for a long time before she emptied it into the sink. She watched as the water disappeared down the drain and wished her problems could varnish just like that too. If only wishes were horses, she wouldn’t mind licking the feet to get a ride. Dragging her feet as she walked back to the dining room, she plopped on a chair when she finally got there. She picked up the drink she left behind, sniffed it and dropped it back on the table. She had suddenly lost appetite for everything including alcohol. Angela wants her son hale and hearty. She would sell what’s left of her company to save her son. She would even lay down her own life so that Fikayo could live. If only wishes were horses, she would lick the feet of the horse to get a ride.

She was just tired of everything going in her life. She was tired, really tired. She was tired of walking about as if everything was fine with her. She was tired of the gentle pats she received on her shoulder from close friends telling her how strong she was. She was tired of them telling her how perfectly well she was handling things. Some even go as far as telling her how envious they are of her being so brave. She was everything but not those things. God knows that it was hard for her to admit that her son will die anytime soon and even harder to act as if she got it all together especially after her husband ran away with almost all her money. At the thought of her husband, she wanted to smash things on the wall. She looked at the tumbler on the table and was tempted to throw it, content and all on the wall but she refrained. She did not want to do something that would wake her son up.

Tired of sitting down in the dining room, she went to the room opposite to Fikayo’s room. It used to be the room she shared with Kunle. She entered the room and memories began to assault her. Memories she had long locked up began to rise to the surface and her eyes watered as she remembered both the happy and sad memories. They had made Fikayo in that room and her husband had also walked out on them both from that room. Unable to hold it any longer, she ran to the bathroom, turned on the heater and then the shower. She would allow the heat to take it on her skin. The hot water was nothing compared to what she was feeling. Flashes of the night it all happened flooded her. Only if she knew the kind of person Kunle was, only if.

2 years ago…
“Kunle, talk to me. The doctor said our son is down with small-cell lung carcinoma.”
“So? What are you trying to say?”
“He said it is associated with smoking and for a 12 year old kid, I don’t think he will have picked a stick of cigarette before.”
“And? Angela, what is the meaning of all these?”
“Have you been smoking near my son?”
Kunle looked down and started dusting invisible dust from an ironed shirt. Angela saw him and that only meant one thing; he was guilty.
“Olakunle, you smoked near my son? You gave him cancer.”
“Angela, be reasonable here. I did not give him cancer. I’ve been smoking for almost twenty years and I’m still healthy.”
Kunle received a slap that almost pushed him to the ground.
“Oh? You are just a….”

Angela was interrupted by a knock on the door. She opened it and saw the nurse that was taking care of Fikayo at home.
“What is it?”, Angela snapped at the nurse. She was still angry with her husband and she had a lot to say to him while her anger was still fiery hot.
“Ma’am, you need to read this.” The nurse gave her a small book. It was her son’s diary.
“Why are you invading my son’s privacy ehn? Is it not to take care of him you are hired? You now want to be snooping around, abi?”
Angela was angry because she was one of those mothers that believed their kids had a right to a private life they did not know about. Cool moms don’t poke their nose where not needed, she always thought. If he wanted to share with her, he would have told her.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry. I thought it was just a normal book. I was bored.”
“Bored, ehn? At work? You want to be replaced, abi?
“Madam, I don’t care if I’m replaced. Just read your son’s diary especially the entry on 17th of July, 2010”
Angela dismissed her with a wave of the hand and the nurse could only shake her head. What a mother, she thought as she went to back to fikayo’s room.
Angela dropped the diary on a table and went back to talking to her husband. Kunle walked out after he decided he had had enough of his wife.
Later that night, she got a text from kunle saying he was tired of a bossy wife who nags all the time and he could not stay around a son that would always remind him of death. Angela was angry and depressed. Out of rage, she flung the diary on the wall. She had forgotten all about it till then. She picked it up and read the entry the nurse told her to read. Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Dear Diary,
Today, I smoked two sticks of cigarette. I didn’t like it, it made me cough. Daddy does it all the time and he says it makes him feel cool. He doesn’t cough while doing it. I like my daddy a lot and I want to feel cool like him too. Maybe I didn’t do it well. Tomorrow, I will try it again. I already stole three from daddy’s room… I’m sure no one will suspect me.

That night, Angela cried till she had no more tears to shed….

Posted by theinkheart

Hello everyone. I’m sorry I could not do justice to the 5th story of someone waiting. I know most of you were disappointed… This story also has 3 parts and was originally titled MOONLESS NIGHT. I hope you like it… And you can still nominate my blog as the best student blog here: http://t.co/GjFLmixQ9U

Angela sat on a chair in the dining room and stared into the video camera she had spent the better part of the day setting up. She stood up and went to the make-shift bar in the kitchen. She took a mouthful from the bottle of vodka she kept hidden at the back of the bottles of fruit and red wine before filling a tumbler up. She wanted to return the bottle but thought against it. She returned to the dining room with the full tumbler and the half-full bottle of vodka. She sat on the chair and looked into the camera again. She started to speak but she seemed to have lost her voice. She chewed on her fingers for a while, picked up the tumbler and emptied the content at once. She dropped the tumbler noisily on the table and exhaled a bit too loud. Her throat was burning and her eyes shimmered with tears but she did not care. The alcohol was already doing what she wanted it to do; boost her confidence. She raised her head and cleared her throat. It was time to tell her story.

.REC. 12/09/2013. 2:12:52PM
I don’t even know where to start from. I guess I should start with introducing myself. My name is Angela, the last name does not really matter. Why? Because I can’t stand to call the last name of the bastard I married. I’m sorry to use crude words, he’s just really a bastard. He’s a sick son of a bitch.
*She filled the tumbler up and took a swig.*
I’m sorry about that, I can’t help getting angry whenever I hear his name. He drives me mad just by crossing my mind. God knows I’ve tried everything possible to shove him away from my mind as far as possible but he just finds a way to crop up one way or another. God knows where the fool is now and really I don’t care if he’s on the floor of a morgue; cold and stiff. He does not even deserve a morgue, he deserves to be eaten up by smelly local dogs.
*She took another gulp from the drink and sighed heavily*.
Not that I had always wished him bad. There was a time Kunle was the centre of my world. We used to be so in love with each other that we made our friends green with envy. Kunle was the type of guy you would always thank God for every minute. He was a natural sweetheart. He was the kind of guy that would open the door for you, rub your feet after a hectic day at work and bring you meals in bed. Apart from the fact that he was very caring, he was good looking. My friends used to tell me about how lucky I was to have found a man like Kunle and I used to feel very lucky. Kunle gave me everything I wanted and we were both happy especially after the birth of our son. My son, Oluwafikayomi.
*a lone tear found their way out of her eyelids. She drank the remaining alcohol in the tumbler in a gulp and re-filled the cup. She sighed heavily and wiped the tear away with the sleeve of her t-shirt*
Oluwafikayomi is my life. I love him dearly. It’s a pity he has a douchebag for a father. I wish I had done better.
*she started sobbing and after a while, she cleaned her face with her t-shirt and took a swig from the tumbler. She detached the camera from its stand and she walked to a room*
This is my son’s room and today is his 14th birthday. I know he thinks I’ve forgotten but I want to surprise him. This camera is his birthday gift. He has always wanted one, since he was a kid. He is fascinated with taking pictures and recording everything since he knew what a camera could do. I’m not surprised, his father was an excellent photographer/cameraman.

Angela opened the door and popped tomtom in her mouth. She peeped and then entered, hiding the camera at her back. Hey baby, she greeted him with a kiss on the forehead. He smiled and she felt her eyes heavy with tears. “I know you think I’ve forgotten about your birthday, she said with a forced smile. He moved his head up and down in a weak nod.
“I have a surprise for you baby”, she said, still with a forced smile.
He looked up at her with expectation in his eyes and a smile lit his skinny face. She brought out the camera and watched her son’s smile broaden to a grin. He gave her fierce hug and she had to bite her lips to withhold the tears. ”
You are the best mom in the world”
They held on to each other for a while with angela wiping tears from her cheeks. It was a blessing to hear her son speak those words. After they separated, she put trained the camera on her son and started talking.

.REC. 12/09/2013 5:09 PM
This is my son, Oluwafikayomi. He is the light of my world and I love him so much. He is 14 today, a big man already. Fikayo darling, say hello to the camera.

Fikayo opened his mouth but he could not talk. He started coughing, bathing the camera lens with blood.

Posted by theinkheart