Dear Child of God,
I would not have written you this note if I did not sense your confusion and worries. It’s been a very long month for you and things are happening so fast, you’re wondering how you go to so lucky. The undeserving love of the Lord is new to you everyday and he keeps blessing you even when sin makes you hide from Him. God is not one to judge you by the things you are doing, He looks beyond your faults and find in you a worthy vessel that deserves all the love in the world. I know you understand these things but it keeps baffling you why God decides to stick with you even it feels like no one is there. God is not man, Alice and His ways can never be understood.
It is hard to understand some things that go through your head. Even as you, it is hard to understand who you are how you do certain things. Sometimes I wonder how much dumber you can get and other times I see an intelligent woman with so many wonderful special gifts and potentials. The times you are dumb, I just get so annoyed with and think how easily you chose your trivial emotions over common sense. These actions get you so hurt, I just stick out my tongue and tell you “I told you so”. It doesn’t help that whenever you are really hurt, you do not cry. You just shove it at one end of your mind and pretend it never happened. I know you are smart but there are times even the smartest person act like the dumbest person. I’m not okay with your dumb choices most times but what is life without lessons and how do you learn if you don’t experience firsthand what pain is?
Child of God, it is okay to be hurt and cry when you want to cry. Pretending that some things never happened will only defeat the purpose of you being hurt as you will always try not to remember even the lessons you learnt from your mistakes. I know you are trying too hard to stay away from people so you won’t be messed with but who says that is the best solution? Who say when you keep people away from you, you won’t be hurt? Trust me, there are times strangers will hurt you so badly, you will wonder what you’ve done to deserve such. You think giving up on people will save you the heartache? It will not. Giving up will only show what a coward you are. I know you are confused how to go about things; you want to be there for people, yet you don’t want to be hurt, you want to take chances yet you don’t want to fail, you want to love yet you don’t want to be heartbroken. You are so scared of failing or falling too hard that you’ve allowed so many chances to pass you by. Even with God sometimes, I’ve watched you elude assignments given to you by Him just because you are scared of failing God.
It is never too hard to try. Who says in your trying, everything won’t work perfectly for you. I know you want fulfilment in every area of your life but you have to be ready to take risks. You are strong, courageous, intelligent and you can do everything and anything you want. God gave you all the potentials because He knows how hard it can be sometimes to press on even when the situation seems hopeless. Remember, the joy of the Lord is your strength and God can never be sad, so you are strong every passing moment. Stop hiding behind “being safe” and do everything you want. Love, live, laugh and be happy. It doesn’t even matter if he doesn’t meet up the “checklist” you have made up for your magic man, it doesn’t matter if the money is not flowing in well for that business, it doesn’t even matter if you feel like there is absolutely no sense in your ideas. Make it work with the understanding that someone somewhere will pay handsomely for that idea. Be the best you can be and let “the man” find you and then, understand that there is nothing like magic man. The magic is in every moment you spend with the imperfect man that spells the “real” in real-ationship.