theinkheartblog

letting the ink tell the tales conceived in my mind………

Month: September, 2014

I CAN ‘COS I AM CAPABLE

Wrote this after a bout of depression for myself but I thought I should put it up.. I may be helping someone like me.

Have you ever felt so helpless and hopeless that you practically give upon yourself even when everyone thinks time can do it? It feels as if they are all lying to you and they justest to deceive you just to get you off their back? Have you ever told yourself that you are going to die lonely because somehow you have been made to believe that you will never be good enough to make any man happy? Or you been told that because you’ve been a terrible person in the past or because of your mistakes, you can never be happy? You just feel like there’s no need to press forward. You refuse to be happy, you refuse to see enjoy the good things happening to you, you settle for less, all because you have allowed others dictate what your life is going to be like or allow your situation to blind you to see possibilities of greater prospects in you.

It seems as if nothing makes sense and you just want to die because everything you wished to live for has been taken from you. You’ve tried so hard that it feels like you will always be a failure. You’ve been called names, you’ve been cursed, you’ve be kicked out, dumped, laughed at. Your heart has been so broken that you feel incapable to ever feel anything but sadness and pain again. You feel so lost because those you trust to lead you right have neglected you. You’ve often asked yourself if you can ever become something, anything with a little bit of importance. You want to be heard, you want to be consoled, you want to be loved, you want to appreciated, you want to be happy, you want to be excited, you want to win, you want to be celebrated but all you feel you will ever be is someone that walks the hall without being noticed, like a needle in the bottom of an ocean.

You are not alone, I can assure you that. We are so many walking these earth, waiting for someone to hear our silent cry and reach out to us. We are so many who want to be appreciated and celebrated. I know you are not alone because I feel this way too. I look up sometimes and I feel so alone and so vulnerable but I have to let my skin be so thick that people don’t see how weak I am. I have lost faith in myself more time than I can count that when people tell me I can do a thing, it is so hard to believe them. It has been so hard to see a happy me. Depression has been my friend for so long, it has become a part of me. So, you are not alone because I have been there and still there but I suddenly just took this bold step to break away from my past that has held me a prisoner for so long. I don’t even care if this new step I’m taking will be harder than I imagined but I’m more determined than ever. I want to be happy and I’m going to be happy without waiting for someone to do so for me.

I don’t even know if any of what I said up there makes any sense, I just feel this urge to let out so many things. Maybe I’m saying rubbish or not, I already feel so much better, like a ton of weight have been lifted off my shoulders and I am excited and happy and I feel like nothing can stop me from reaching out for the sky that have been told is my stepping stone. I feel like nothing else can break me if I don’t allow them break me. No matter what they think that I’m not good enough or can never make it, it doesn’t just matter anymore. I feel like I’ve finally reached the point where I won’t let my past dictate my mood anymore. I won’t allow my situation now dictate my future. I won’t allow sadness in my heart to override the joy and peace there. No matter how little my success seem, I will enjoy it and celebrate it. I don’t care about what anyone has to say about my career, my love life, the decisions I’m bold enough to make now, I will press on and be the best they don’t expect me to be.

I can be happy if that’s what I want to be and that’s what I’m going to be. I’m going to love myself, eat what I want whenever I want it. I am going to smile more, make more friends, laugh more, love more, be positive.. I am going to be great and nothing to will stop me!! Nothing should stop you too…

Written by Dako. A. Temitope

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TILL SEX DO US PART… (4)

I am so sorry I am posting this late… I prepared a very long speech on how sorry I am but rat ate it.. Biko, forgive me, I will not do it again…
Enjoy this week’s episode.. don’t forget to drop your comments, very much anticipate it…

ANDREA…

I watched the ladies sleeping on my bed through the haze of smoke from my cigarette. They were all still knocked out and why would they not be after the bottles of alcohol they consumed. I would have woken them up and gotten them to leave my room but I felt a queer connection to them and it felt as if we all need one another to conquer our demons. I don’t believe in al these psychopathic babbles but something just told me that the peace I so craved for was in the hands of those ladies. I got up from the chair I was sitting on us and went to my bedside drawer. I removed a picture and I felt my lips tremble. I’ve had this picture almost all my life and every time I looked at it, I felt the same pain tearing my heart apart. I could have cried but the voice i head stopped me.
      “She’s beautiful, almost too beautiful”

I swallowed the lump that has formed in my throat and blinked back tears.

      “Thank you. You are awake”, I said while putting the picture back into the drawer, not sure what to say to her.
      “Obviously. Where is this place? How did I get here?”
      “Let me take a wild guess, you can’t remember anything from last night, right?”
      “Last night? What happened last night? Who are you?”
      “Just as I figured, you remember nothing. My name is Plum, more like that’s what everyone calls me around here. You are Oyebola, just in case you forgot your name too”
      “Of course, I know my own name and what kind of name is Plum? I’ve never met anyone with such a name before, until now. Your parents gave you the name?”
     “Don’t worry your fine head about that. Do you want some aspirin? Your head must be aching you after all you drank last night”

I put out the cigarette in my hand and went to a cabinet in the kitchen to bring out a bottle of aspirin.

     “Knock yourself out”, I said, stretching the bottle to her. “Although, two tablets should do the magic. Take water from the dispenser beside you”

She took the bottle from me without saying anything and took the drugs. Without saying anything, she gave me the bottle of drugs back and sat in the bed scanning the room, obviously for her things. I went to the kitchen and brought out three phones, not sure which was hers.

    “I was charging them but I’m night sure which is yours. You were all so drunk that it was hard to focus on other things but to get you to safety”

She picked a blackberry Z3 and powered it up. I went back to my cigarette while I waited for the other girls to wake up. Like Bola, I was sure they would not remember who I was or how they got into my room. To think they had said so much to me in their drunken state. I shook my head and took a long drag on my cigarette. The only reason I was so nice to them was because I needed them as much as they needed me.

OPEYEMI…

With all the experience I have had with women, nothing had prepared me for what I was going through. I had never been so confused before and yet, I felt so peaceful like I had not just had the love of my life walked out on me with my ring thrown in my face with absolutely no reason why I could not marry her. All my friends told me to relax and be patient, maybe she was just playing pranks on me. I knew she was not joking but how do I tell my friends that she was serious about not wanting to get married. She did not give me any explanation but she did not have to, I knew what had made her give me back my ring. She had told me about something that happened to her while growing up. That was the only thing I knew could have caused her sudden change. If it was that, I would not be angry. I wished she knew how much I wanted to be there for her,how much it mattered to me that she was always happy and how much I would sacrifice just to take her hurt away. If there was a way I could turn back the hands of time, I would do it. She was all shades of issues but she was the best woman I could ever love. She was the sweetest, most caring woman I had ever met. She made sure I always laughed. She made it obvious to the world that I was the centre of her universe and without even meaning to, I had fallen too deep in love, I didn’t want to ever live without her. I checked my phone for any message from her but there was none.

I sighed heavily. If only she would just let me into the darkest part of her mind, I would do anything to lighten it up. I picked up my car keys and without bothering to change from the shorts and tee I had slept in, I stepped. I was going to meet her at home and she would talk to me whether she wanted it or not. All through the drive to her house, I prayed for courage to face the woman I loved so much that won’t allow me calm her demons. I reached her home but met only her mom. She was cold towards me and told me her daughter had not slept at home.
        
       “Ma, do you know where she is? I can’t seem to reach her”
       “Well, I don’t keep tabs on my daughter’s movement. I would have sworn she slept in your house. Did you guys fight?”
        “Not exactly. She left the house without saying anything. I just want to talk to her”
        “She left your house without saying anything? That’s strange, you know? How will she just leave like that if you didn’t quarrel?”
        “Nope, we did not. I asked her to marry me and she just became a different person. She turned me down and left me without saying anything”
        “Oh well, I think she just saved you from years of misery caused by marriage. You should leave her alone if she doesn’t want to get married to you. Marriage is not worth it anyways, stay single and enjoy your life. You are young and I am sure you still have eyes for those skinny girls in tight dresses. Save yourself a life of sadness and hurt, okay?”

I could not utter a word, my jaw was practically on the floor.

SANDRA…

I was not really bothered about my environment when I woke up. All I wanted to do was find somewhere to empty my stomach.
     “I… I want to throw up…. need to throw up”
When someone pointed the way to the toilet, I did not look up to see who it was or think about the person got to be in the same room with me till I had dumped every thing in my tummy inside the toilet bowl. I felt a cool towel on my throbbing head and was grateful for it. I opened my mouth to say thank you but I felt the need to throw up again. She rubbed my back and held the towel in place while I vomited. When I was done, I looked up and said thank you. She smiled and flashed her very white teeth at me. She was a very beautiful young lady but had so many piercings, I was repulsed. To irritate me further, she lit a stick of cigarette and almost blew in my face. Cigarette held in between her lips, she held my palms and dropped two tablets in my hand. She went to a dispenser and fetched me water in a disposable cup. I looked at her for a while, deciding whether to throw the water and pills in her face but I was nicer than that and my head was aching badly, I needed the pill in my mouth than her face.

       “Who are you? Why am I here? Why are you being nice to me and please put out the cigarette”
        “Are you for real? I should put out the cigarette? Why if I may ask, ma’am”, she stretched the ma’am and laughed dryly. I rolled my eyes.
        “Well, it is unhealthy to smoke. It kills, you know.”
        “Counsellor, we are all going to die. Something’s going to kill us all. I don’t mind cigarette killing me. Smoking or not, I’m going to die”
        “Whatever. Who are you anyways? What is this place? How did I get here?”

She sat down on a chair and kept on smoking without looking at me. There were two other ladies in the room, one was sleeping while the other was typing furiously on her smartphone. At the sight of her phone, I remembered how I had switched my phones off and gone into a bar.
     “Oh God, fucking hangover. My head hurts so much”, the sleeping lady said, holding her head in her hands.
     “Well, well, you are all awake. About time, I must add. We need to talk”
     “About?”, I asked, not bothering to hide my disgust.
     “Well, we have something in common and we need each other”
      “For what?”
      “We are all going through something greater than us and I think we can help each other out”.

Written by Dako. A. Temitope

Relationships and “General” Views: Why Many Don’t Get It Right

Is it not funny that many girls claim they have what it takes to make a relationship work and then when they are in one, they will flop and then keep blaming the guy for not making it work. They will treat the guy with “general” knowledge of what they know about relationships and then expect it to work.. you heard every guy likes something and then you go, my boyfriend must definitely like the same things to. You will never try to find out who that one guy is but you keep wallowing in your ignorance waiting for a miracle to happen.

You probably expect every man to want to take advantage of you because it happened to some people close to you and they have hammered it in your ears that men will forever be after what’s underneath your skirt and never your heart. One man treated you badly and then you dump all the frustration you are feeling on your next. Maybe your next loves you enough to help you get over your ex. Maybe he doesn’t even want sex from as badly as you have imagined. Maybe he is just a very good guy who loves you and then you push him away because you were too blind to see beyond your pains. And no matter how hard you think you are trying, you keep failing over and over again.

How do you expect it to work when he likes meat but because you read somewhere that men don’t like meat, you keep stuffing him with fish. And then when he is tired of eating fish, he flees. Then you go, all men are the same. Of course, they are the same, isn’t that what your general knowledge and wrong lessons for your past experience taught you? Till you learn to treat a man as his own person, you may never find fulfillment in that relationship.

It is even funnier when guys imagine all girls want are flashy things, money and all those fake glittering gold. You have assumed every girl will fall at your feet if you spoil them a bit. Maybe she did not even see the cash, she saw the way you showed so much concern about her welfare and she fell in love with that man that was attentive to her need and not the man raining cash on her. Is it bad if you spend on her? You love her right, then you should see no wrong in spoiling or see it as a means to get her to sleep with you. We want love too, we want you to make us laugh and show us what it being her “Mr right” is. We want our friends to go green with envy at the way you treat us.

Don’t think because we seem to wear our emotions on our sleeves, we are foolish. We may have sex with you on the first night and that does not make us hoes. We like good things doesn’t mean we will dig your gold-well like your ex(es) did. We want to be fought for, we want you to cross the ocean for us if that is what we need as an evidence that you truly love us. We don’t want to wake up any day, thinking we are competing for your attention. We want you to make us laugh. We want you to be our everything.

We want to flaunt your love, wear it as one very expensive gem.. we don’t have to grovel or nag before we get you to have time for us. We want breakfast in bed, once in a while. We want surprise birthday parties and of course we want all those cakes and flowers and fluffy Teddy bears every valentine. But that is not the love we crave, so don’t think you know all about girls and then treat her as every other girl. Study her, pay attention to her. Girls are complicated, but also very simple.. It takes a heart that truly cares about a woman to know a woman.

Point of all of these: nobody should be compared to the other. Till you’ve fully accepted that everyone is not the same person as the other, you will never get it right. If you are not ready to move on, stay by yourself and learn and conquer those pains. The worst thing you can ever do to your partner is to treat him or her as you had imagined they want to be treated…

Written by Dako. A. Temitope

TILL SEX DO US PART… 3

Hello people, I have decided to post this series once a week; Fridays and not randomly anymore.. Would have posted more episodes but I was trying to introduce new characters, so I took a break. In case you are confused, feel free to ask me questions.. Don’t forget to share with your friends on Facebook and followers on instagram. Thank you for visiting my blog, y’all make writing worth it…

Warning: this series has some “adultified” contents; just a teeny weeny bit or maybe more than just a tiny bit. Reader’s discretion advised (Lol, it feels good to write this 🙂 )

OYEBOLA…

I was boiling inside. The fire in me was hot enough to bake bread for a whole street to eat. I tried so hard to stop my hand from picking the empty wine bottle laying idle close to me but  before I knew it, tiny shards of glasses mixed with his blood was flying everywhere.
 
“Arrrrrgggh. Damn you, bitch”, he screamed with all the pain he was feeling and strength he could muster. I could see him struggling through the red liquid that wanted to drown his face but I was far from caring, I was a woman scorned, burnt and charred by the fire of selfishness he would not stop stoking; no matter how much I had complained in the past.
  
  “I’m a bitch, yeah, that’s what years of sticking with your sorry ass turned me into. Gosh. I must have been a big fool for putting up with you and hoping you will change”

I kicked his leg and he screamed out in pain. I knew I should call one of his friends to drive him to the hospital so that his head could be treated but I was so furious, I could only think of doing terribly mean and wicked things to him.
  
   “Keep your mouth shut, you scumbag. Do you know how painful it is to be in a relationship with you, do you? Damn it. I will allow you fuck almost all the holes in my body, when you please and how you please. I cook your meals, do your laundry, buy you every damn thing you need and yet, you will still sleep around and spend my hard earned cash on girls too young to be doing the nasty things they do with you”

I kicked him again and went to pick the half empty bottle of vodka I had left in my fridge. I did not even bother with a cup, I gulped the sparking liquid, welcoming the burning sensation in my throat and chest. I moved to him and poured what was remaining in the bottle on his head. His voice filled the whole room and I felt strangely good with what I was doing to him. The pain I was inflicting on him could not match the trauma I had gone through in his hands but it felt good to know I had the balls to finally switch the tables around.
  
   “Baby, please, stop this madness, please. I am dying here”, he said through clenched teeth, his voice was thick with pain.

   “Madness? You call this madness? That must be sarcasm. Madness is when you beat me to pulp for serving the food I prepared with my money cold. Madness is when you hit me because I refused to give you the money I worked hard for. Madness is when you come home late with a girl’s cheap perfume reeking all over body and then you accuse me of cheating on you. Madness is what I permitted you to do with my body, emotions and money. Madness is having the opportunity to end your life right now and still stalling. You want to more about madness, ehn?
 
   “Please, babes, I am sorry. I am so sorry but can you just get me to a hospital, I am in so much pains, please. I beg of you, please”
 
  “Oh. Now you know how to beg? Now you can say you’re sorry? Well, I am sorry for wasting four years of my life with you. I will help you, that’s if you can stand up. You will take the keys to the car I bought for you and drive yourself to the hospital. That way I’ll pray you drive into a very big truck, so it can crush you to death”

I dropped the key beside him and went to my room. I picked my phone and called one of his friends that was always at his beck and call to come and drive him to a hospital. I knew he was too weak to drive. Even if he could, he would kill himself driving in that state. I should allow him to die for all the pain he had caused me but a part of me still loved him too much to see him dead. I sighed heavily and went to pick a stick of cigarette from a pack I had hidden in my drawer. I lit it with shaky hands, cursing him for making pick up an old habit I thought I would never go back to.

CLARA…

I smiled at his vivid description of the nasty things he was going to do to me when we finally meet. He talked about how he would use his tongue to “fuck my pussy” till I was too turned on to feel my legs, how he was going to shake my world with his dick and how he was going to bring fifty shades of pure sexual bliss to me. He would hold nothing back while telling me those nasty things and that made very eager to meet with him, to say I had started sexting him just because I was bored one night and sleep decided to desert me. Before then, he was almost a ghost contact that only pinged to tell me he loved my dp or make my pm made sense. How he got to be on by contact list, I was not even sure but after that night things changed between us. We talked about everything and in weeks, we had become so close I could predict some of his replies. For the first time, I was not concerned about his looks or if he was good enough to be with me. As the only child of a pastor with one of the biggest churches in the nations and many branches scattered overseas, I always made it a point to only to go out with men that would make my father happy when he reads about it in the dailies or on gossip blogs that always seemed to know what I was up to. Those men in suits with respectable jobs and fancy houses and cars made my father happy but what made me happy were men that knew how to please me, still i loved men so fine and hot, they make the sun jealous. That fact about me had managed to stay hidden from the hungry ears of the press.

I loved hardcore sex. Sex with whips and chains, handcuffs, vibrators, arousal gel, kegel balls, butt plugs, lickable massage candles, double stroker, blindfolds, flavored massage oils and so on. Cuff me to your bed and bang me till I am breathless, that’s the kind of sex I enjoyed. Most of the guys I officially dated would not know that about me. In fact, most of them thought I was an innocent virgin. Those guys would not even do more than hug me and why should they when all I did with them was pray and tell them how horrible it was to allow our body be defiled by sexual immoralities. With the media, my father and this guys, I was good girl that could not hurt a fly but behind closed doors with my toy boys, I was an insatiable wanton and I paid them handsomely to keep their mouth shut. So, with my new sexter, I was planning to recruit him as my sex-mate.

The night we were to see, I made sure I wore my best lingerie and packed my best toys. He had promised me 50 shades of sexual pleasure and I wanted to give him just as much too but I was disappointed. He was all talks and no action. He kissed me for some minutes and then, started groping for my pants. After some minutes, he was panting hard and was saying nonsense about how sweet I was. Sweet? All those anticipations for 3 minutes of rubbish? I got up from the bed and adjusted my clothes. I stormed out of the house to my car in anger. I was horny and very frustrated. I was still seething with anger when phone started ringing. I looked at the screen and saw it was one of my favourite friends with benefits; Tade. I picked the call and was super excited when he told me to come over to his place. A bad night was suddenly turning out to be interesting and as predicted, it was so much fun and more than I expected because I got double of the package.

I was on my way home when my phone vibrated. It was a message from an anonymous number telling me to open a video. Thinking it was one of my crazy friends being mischievous, I opened the video with a big smile but that smile was wiped away by the content of the video.

SANDRA…

I kept on driving around in circles, not sure where to go to. I did not want to go home because I was not in the mood for my mother’s scathing tongue and Opeyemi’s place definitely a no-no. After I ran out of his house in the morning without explaining to him why I did not marry him, he had called my phones, sent me numerous messages and still took twitter and Facebook for me to just say something to him. Some of his friends had also joined in the campaign to get me to talk till I could not bear it anymore and turned my phones off. It was killing me to not talk to him but I needed to be alone to sort my emotions through. I need to think about how best to let Opeyemi go without hurting him too much. I needed to sort the turmoil in my head threatening to suck out my sanity. I sighed heavily and packed my car in front of a bar. I wanted to just sit in my car and cry but something I could not explain made me enter the bar. Maybe it was fate, maybe life was handing me another opportunity to be happy again but that night at the bar changed my life forever.

Written by Dako. A. Temitope