The day sped by as we stared at the waves struggled to reached the shore first before the other. The bright blue beach had an orange tinge to it from the sun that was already setting. We knew we should leave the shore and go into one of the tents set up for tourists like us but we just could not; our legs felt glued to the wet grounds and it was not just our legs that were heavy, our tongues were too, at least, I knew mine was. There was so much I wanted to say, needed to say but I found myself swallowing my words. I knew I should speak up and tell him what was on my mind but I was so afraid.
I wanted to tell him how badly it made me feel that I was just an extra wheel in his life, how it hurts that I could only be his woman in private and never in public. I wanted to tell him I was tired of being just the other woman; the one that was only good enough for random escapades when the main girl was “getting on his nerves”. I wanted to know what it would be like to be his only girl in his life, I wanted him to run to me at all times and I wanted to be there for him at every turn. I knew it was too much to ask a man that was married but what could a girl want more than to be loved the same way that she loved her man.
I turned to him again and saw him smiling down at me. My heart did a little tap dance in my chest and before I knew it, I asked him
“What am I to you, Vic?”
“You are my little sunshine even when my days are not dark. You make me so happy and I’m proud you’re in my life”
His answer weakened me and as he placed tiny feathery kisses all over my face and down my neck, I became weaker. Today, I’m contented to play this role in his life; tomorrow, maybe, I’ll have the strength to speak up…